“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.” – John 16:21
When I found out I was pregnant I was afraid. Honestly, I was absolutely terrified. I had not wanted to have kids. I did not want to be a mother. I believed all of the hateful lies I had been told growing up so I knew I would be a crappy mom; how could I be anything else? I did not want them to have the experiences I had, or worse, and I knew children cannot be protected at all times. Even if they could, they shouldn’t be. Part of “growing up” is learning how to pick yourself back up when you fall. How we handle conflict, pain, frustration, pretty much all of life, as an adult is formed when we are children. If we aren’t allowed to experience those things we cannot be prepared to handle them as adults? I hated what I saw happening in the world... so much hate, so much abuse. Our marriage was not in a good way. Sure we were friends and we even still had fun, but we were both so broken and disconnected from each other. We weren’t living our faith, heck, we weren’t doing anything with our faith.
It’s funny how God takes our greatest fears and uses them for good…
It has consistently been my experience that in times when I have to face my fear or step out in faith and do something that terrifies me, in those moments when I feel most alone, I am closest to God and the results have been some of the greatest blessings I have ever experienced. Our children are the greatest blessing we have ever received apart from forgiveness through His mercy and grace.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” – Psalm 127:3
When God blessed us with children He knew that the love we would feel for them would give us a tiny grasp of the concept of how greatly He loves us. See, we knew that He “loved” us, we just didn’t understand what that really meant. He knew that having children would shift our focus from ourselves and our own needs to the needs of someone else. He knew they would bring us purpose, direction and unity. He knew that in not knowing how to raise a child to be a healthy adult, we would draw near to Him to lean on Him to show us. He knew that having children would lead Steve to give his life to the Lord. He knew that our quest for a church would bring us to our “home” at City Harvest, with the “family” we so desperately needed. He knew we needed strong examples of how to live out our faith, how to raise our children and how to trust Him. Their example taught us how to love others without judgement. We discovered a passion to help others. We found our value, our worth, our purpose. God literally gave us new life.
A father knows what is good for his son, how much more does our Heavenly Father know what is good for us! <3
We didn’t have to raise our children alone; He would be with us every step of the way. “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” – Isiah 54:13 As much as we love them, He loves them so much more. Sure we make mistakes, a lot of them, but God is faithful to honor our right choices. His plans for our children are good and He is faithful to complete the good work He has started in them. See, their lives, how they turn out, that doesn’t depend solely on us! BEST NEWS EVER!!! We may make mistakes and mess up, but God can heal the wounds we cause. We are open and transparent with our kids about our own brokenness. Not to excuse our mistakes, but to just be real with them. We aren’t perfect and we don’t always do the right thing. We apologize when we hurt them, we admit when we are wrong, we ask their forgiveness and we do the best we can. Then… we trust God with the rest.
The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6 That is our hope. Our hope is in God and it is not misplaced. Our children are in the best hands and we could not be more blessed by who they are becoming. They have hearts that love the Lord, when they sing praise they are pouring out their hearts to Him, they love to bless others and offer to serve whenever they can. They each have their own quirks, bents and struggles, some I am sure that we have contributed to, but God is doing so much good in their hearts. As much as I was afraid and still pray for God’s hand and protection in their lives, I see the blessings of the Lord in who they have and are becoming.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3 John 1:4
They are my greatest joys.
I love you always and forever, with my whole heart. You are the BEST gifts that God has ever given me. <3 You are going to do GREAT things. xo
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