It is the one area in which most of us struggle, yet it is the topic that is the most shied away from in the church.
Why do we cringe inwardly and get nervous when the word "sex", or for that matter anything to do with sex, is brought up in church?
It is foolishness to dismiss a topic of such importance. So many people struggle in the area of sexuality. There is pain, confusion, and so much misinformation, leaving the vast majority of us lost and hurting feeling isolated and hopeless in our struggle.
Y'all, it doesn't have to be that way!
The subject of sexuality isn'the something to be hidden or afraid of, it is the very core of who God designed us to be.
"He created them male and female and blessed them..." - Genesis 5:2 He designed and created us to fit together perfectly, in sexual unity.
In His design, there was NO shame "Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame." - Genesis 2:25
Sexuality is also a lot more than just having intercourse. It is our identity, how we see ourselves. It is our body image. It effects how we present ourselves. It plays a large part in how we talk to and relate with others.
I am leading a women's group called "Restoring Sexuality". It isn't a counseling session, group therapy, how-to or what not-to typeople of thing. It is a safe place to come together, open up, share our struggles, uncover our beliefs about sexuality and ourselves, to replace the lies we have embraced with the truth of God's heart for us and His design for our sexuality.
Would you be suprised to know that His plan was for us to be shamelessly free and whole in our sexuality?
If that doesn't feel true to you and where you are at, I really want to encourage you that it can and should be.
On Sunday, I faced two fears, public speaking and judgment, to get up, not once but twice, and share this with the whole church.
The first day of our group, we write down the word "Sexuality" and what that means to us. What feelings, emotions, words, definitions the word brings to mind. It is the first step in revealing our beliefs about sexuality.
The first time I did that this was my list:
- Judgment
- Insecurity
- Expectations (that I could never meet)
- Closeness (making me open to getting hurt)
- Vulnerability (the kind that leads to pain and betrayal)
- Identity (as in a very negative identity of unattractiveness, inequity, and being garbage)
When we talked about it last week at our first meet up this was my list:
- Intimacy
- Closeness (being in unity with someone else)
- Freedom (to be genuinely myself)
- Confidence
- Designed (to be good)
- Vulnerability (being able to be open, honest, and transparent)
- Identity (as God's creation)
See when we take the step to trust God, to open up and be vulnerable with God and people we can trust, we are able to dispell the lies, discover the truth, be healed and set free.
God wants us to be whole. To be restored to His perfect design for us.
If you need someone to talk to, I would be happy to be here for you. ^_^
It is my prayer for you all that you would be healed, renewed, restored and set free in your sexuality.
It is my hope that the church will become more open, honest and a genuinely safe place to discuss sexuality transparently.
If you are interested in our Restoring Sexuality group for women, please contact me on Facebook at facebook.com/kate.conder or via email at blesswitheachbreath@gmail.com
We also have a group for men. You can reach out to my husband, Steve, on Facebook at facebook.com/steve.conder.35
I am not particularly fond of control. I don't really like all that extra responsibility. So why is it that I have the urge to take on the impossibly huge responsibility of keeping my kids safe?
As a Mom, there is little I wouldn't do for my children. I would give anything and everything to secure their safety and preserve their precious innocence as long as possible.
There is nothing I want more than to protect my babies, except one thing... God's plan for their lives.
And there's the rub. See, sometimes we can get so consumed with protecting our children from pain that we end up placing our own will before God's plan because we are letting fear drive us instead of letting go and trusting Him.
There are few things harder than making sure that we have raised our children to be able to be okay without us. One of those things is watching them face their own battles.
Our children are going to get hurt. They are going to fall. They are going to make mistakes. We cannot protect them from everything, no matter how hard we try. There will be giants and they are going to have to face those giants with just a sling and a stone. But they won't be alone. God will be right there with them in those moments when we cannot.
Today, we had to watch our son step into the ring with a giant we were hoping he would never have to face. Our hearts ache with longing to fix it for him, to take it away, to protect him from it, but we can't.
The reality is, someday they will have to go out in to the world and and stand on their own two feet. We can't always fight the fight for them, but we can teach them how to fight, to not settle, to never give up and show them that we will be there to stand and fight with them.
When they get hurt, we can teach them to run from it, to fear it, or we can teach them how to work through the pain so they can find healing.
When they fall, we can try to keep them from ever falling again, or we can show them how to get back up, shake off the dust and take the next step.
When they make their mistakes, we can chastise them, teach them how to make excuses and shift the blame, or we can be there to help them take responsibility, realize that we all make mistakes and show them we still love them.
What kind of Mom do I want them to remember?
One that is driven by fear, spending all of my time trying to control everything in a vain attempt to make sure they never get hurt or have to take responsibility?
One that relentlessly chastises and shames them leaving them feeling guilty and worthless?
One that keeps them "safe" from everything, only to leave them unable to cope with the things that life will throw at them?
In a "perfect world", they would never get hurt and they would always make the right choices, but we don't live in a perfect world.
So I want to be there to teach them how to trust God, face their giants, be resilient, responsible for their choices, honest and transparent, humble enough to realize they may not always be right yet still have self confidence, to see the potential in themselves and in others, be encouraging, courageous, and who they were created to be.
I want to be a Mom that puts God's plan ahead of her own and truly trusts God to take care of her babies.
So, awesome story...
I have loved my last two HP laptops, but their service with the most recent one... not so much. :(
My laptop is 2 /12 years old and some parts weren't working properly, so I called HP and after 4 calls, (2 of which were escalated because they "couldn't find" my extended warranty, again >.< ), 3 remote logins, during which they repeatedly said the parts were working, even though they weren't, I sent my laptop in for repairs.
The hard drive was toast, the USB ports didn't see devices, the dvd drive didn't see disks when we loaded them, and the battery lock still wasn't working from the last time I sent it in.
4 weeks later, with no emails or updates, other than to say they received it then subsequently changed that to "waiting for customer to ship", and I finally got my laptop back today.
Happy to to be able to get back to work, I joyfully opened the box to find no power cord, apparently they need it more than I do. :/ I made a mental note to call the service department, and proceeded to the enclosed documents to determine what work had been done. The only notes are "Operating Software Reloaded:NO" and "Replaced Defective TOUCHPAD"...
Okay, well the touch pad was fine when I sent it in, odd, but whatever. What I really wanted to know was did they fix the parts that I needed fixed? So I figured I would try and power it on to see.
Being astute, I noticed 3 things right away:
1. The monitor case is now cracked on the inside and outside. :/
2. The battery lock still has not been fixed. >.<
3. There is no power. *sigh*
Swell.
Since I can't plug it in to find out, I promptly called HP to talk to the service department.
First things first, they put me on hold to read the notes before asking the reason for my call. I figured that might be a good thing, at least they would know what was going on. Clearly I overestimated the quality/quantity of said "notes" because the first thing he said when he took the call off of hold was "The repairs are done and the shipment has been delivered, but I can track it if you would like."
I told him "Ummm, no that's okay, I have it." He said "Okay thank you for your call, have a nice day." O.o
I quickly interjected that I was calling because I have no power cord, a cracked case and no notes about the repairs I requested. I didn't get to the problem of the still broken lock before he placed the call on hold again to review the "notes". Still, holding out hope for some details, I sat patiently waiting for his return.
When he came back he said he found the notes on the repairs and it said "Multiple failed components were replaced. So be assured the work is done."
I asked if the notes specified which parts were replaced and after another hold he informed me "The touchpad. It is good.". :/
I asked again about the power cord and before I could get to the bloody lock or cracked case he put me on hold. Again.
Still hoping that I could at least get that part straightened out, I waited patiently. When he came back he said "Thank you. Your service has been escalated and you will be getting intubated from our end soon."
O.o Say what?!
I said "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
He repeated his previous statement. To which I responded "Will they send the power cord and can I find out what repairs were made?"
Again he thanked me, told me I would be intubated shortly and wished me a nice day, then ended the call.
...
I don't really know why they are planning to intubate me as I don't think that will solve my power problem. Nor do I know what will happen if/when I do turn the thing back on since they didn't reload the operating software as the computer did not originally come with disks.
I guess I will joyfully await my upcoming HP provided medical procedure and maybe call back and ask for a supervisor in the meantime.
The best part of stepping outside your comfort zone is that you don't have to do it alone. God is right there waiting for you.
As a mom I recall those little moments of uncertainty, for each of my children, when they had to choose to let go of what they knew and what was keeping them comfortably steady and take their first tentative steps. There I sat, arms stretched toward them, a huge grin on my face, reassuring them that they could do it and that I was there to catch them if they fell.
Each step we take outside of our comfort zone is much the same. God is waiting there in the unknown, arms stretched toward us, smile on His face, encouraging and reassuring us.
The question is do we choose to trust Him? Do we let go of what we know, excange the comfortable and known for the temporary discomfort of the unknown in order to experience something greater? Or do we remain in one spot settling for that which we already know and have experienced?
I don't know about you, but just like my children, I would have missed out on so much in life had I chosen to just settle for standing in that spot, holding on to what was comfortable.
Think of everything that you would have missed out on if you had just stayed in that one spot!
I don't want to miss out on what God is doing, and it is gonna be GREAT, y'all! So, I am choosing to trust God and take this first step in a new direction. So, here I go, not just tip toeing, to ease my way into this new adventure, but full on leaping, with a mixture of fear and excitement, in expectation of the great things that God has planned.
Today I will lead my first Restoring Sexuality group for women. That might not sound like anything big or scary to you, but for me it is. This will only be my second time leading a women's group, which requires some serious fear conquering in itself on two fronts.
First in that I felt by no means qualified to "lead" anything. What skills or knowledge could I possibly have that could help anyone? I did it anyway and God was faithful to lead for me. He had the answers, He did the healing, He gave them freedom. I was blessed to see God's work in the lives of the incredible women in the group.
Second, I have not ever felt really comfortable talking to women. I know, that sounds really weird seeing as how I am a woman and all, but it is true none-the-less.
In stepping out God taught me two things in this regard. 1. That as different as we all are, and as daunting as it can feel to try to relate, we are all uniquely made and gifted for just such a time as its. 2. That every one of us has a beautiful story to tell and wisdom to offer.
So as I take the leap into this often ignored topic, about which I am deeply passionate, I am excited to see God's healing, restoration and truth poured into the hearts of these, no doubt incredible women.
I want to invite you to take this leap with me. As women in today's culture many, if not most of us, struggle with some aspect of our sexuality. Whether it is our body image, self esteem, identity, temptations, pornography, past abuse, shame, guilt, or even rape, the great news is that we don't have to stay trapped there!
See, God created all of us as sexual beings, and it was His design for each one of us to be whole and healthy in this area. I know opening up about the things we struggle with can be scary, so that is why we work so hard to provide a safe, welcoming, judgement free environment for you to come and be surrounded by people who are struggling too and have come together to encourage one another and be set free.
There will also be other great women's and men's groups if there is a different area in which you are looking for healing.
Here's to doing something new and seeing God's amazing work! <3
Go check out my Facebook page: Facebook.com/Kate.conder for the full list of groups, times and directions.
