How Did This Happen?

Slowly over time as the ground beneath us eroded. That is how it happened.

I have talked openly about some of the emotional and mental abuse I wrestled with in my formative years. I have shared my journey of learning to love myself for who I am and right where I am at.

See, I was told, by so many people, over so many years, that nothing I did would ever be good enough. I was a failure. I was stupid. I was a mistake. I shouldn't have been born and should probably just die so others don't have to be around me. I knew, because so many people told me, that everything bad that happened was clearly my fault. At the very least, it was because of some ineptitude in me.

Those experiences have been the source of two of my greatest struggles.

1. Believing that I am worth anything.
2. Hoping for anything good for myself.

I do not keep it a secret that I am a Christian. That means that I believe in the God of the Bible; the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and that they are one. I believe that Jesus became man so that He could take our place, receive the punishment for our sins, even though He was sinless, and set us free from the pain, the suffering, the bondage, the shame and condemnation of sin, both committed by us and against us by others, and restore us to the life, purpose, future and eternity that God had originally planned for us. I also believe that we have an enemy, Satan, and that He wants to see us destroyed by the power of sin.

Let me just say this... He knows our weaknesses. He delights in exploiting them. He knows that if he can take away our identity in Christ, he can keep us from our destiny. So, he goes about, tempting us with the things he knows we struggle with, hurting us with the wounds that have been created in us, and distracting us from God's good plan for us with lies and temptation.

He knows my struggles and he brings them up every time I face a mountain.

So back to where I left off...

We have struggled financially for 13 1/2 years. There have been ups and downs. There have been times of lack and times of getting by. There have been a few brief seasons of surplus. In all of these seasons we have known that we were blessed. That we had more than many. That we were taken care of by a God who loves us. We have faced foreclosure several times and God has made a way each time.

This time, the outcome is a little different.

Before, we were always able to keep our home. God made a way for us to stay. This time, we are learning about letting go and a deeper sacrifice than we have ever known.

We juggled, shifted and scraped to keep afloat for so many years. God always filled in the gaps where we couldn't. This time, the gaps were too big for our tax return, and nothing we could do on our own could fill them. We were facing foreclosure and we didn't have the money, or means to come up with the money, to stop it.

So, we reached out and asked for prayer and we prayed. 

We asked God for the money.

Our prayer was answered, just not in the way we expected.