I have been debating for some weeks whether or not to publish this and when I should publish this if I do. Since you are reading this, clearly I have decided to "pull the trigger", so to speak.
Y'all know I believe in openness, honesty and transparency, even when it hurts... and really, especially when it hurts.
This is one of those life experiences that really hurts.
I have shared some of our story as it relates to finances, but I want to take a moment to elaborate.
When we were young, long before we had kids, we made our share of financial mistakes, so when we found out were going to have a baby, we wanted to really straighten out our finances. We had all these great plans for both of us to work so we could pay our bills on time, we had a budget so we could save, we thought we were going to be on track to "live responsibly".
But then there were complications with the delivery and I was unable to go back to work as soon as I had hoped. My employer declined to work with my physical limitations so I became unemployed.
That wasn't what we had planned for. We never expected we would be trying to live on $10/hr with our new baby. We did what we could to make it work. We got on WIC to help with cost of formula and food. We lived paycheck to paycheck. We juggled shutoff notices. We explored different employment options for me, but with my husband's hours and the cost of childcare, it wouldn't improve our financial situation. We did a LOT of praying, seeking God, asking "Why?" and "What are we supposed to do?".
God's answer came in two parts.
1. Trust Him to provide for what we cannot.
2. Commit to staying home and raising our child(ren).
So we did.
When our son was young, we went through a period when my husband was laid off that was really hard. So, we humbled ourselves and we got help. We went to the food bank for our area and were blessed that they also had clothes and toys so our son could be blessed with his needs and some fun little "wants". At the suggestion of a friend, we signed up for food stamps, and medicaid. While my husband looked for a new job, applying for everything and anything he could find, I took a job, making minimum wage to try and get us by. That was the winter when we couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill to prevent it from being shut off. As cold as it was, we had fun cooking on a camp stove and snuggling under a mountain of blankets to keep warm. Thankfully we only had to go without power for a month, so many people face so much worse. As rough as those days felt, that time created the longing in our hearts to be able to one day bless others who are struggling financially.
Here we were, pregnant with our daughter and my husband having no luck finding employment, no matter how many jobs he applied for. So, he enlisted in the Air Force. He and I had always wanted to serve our country. I had so wanted to honor the example and sacrifices of my grandfathers and uncles. So even though I was not looking forward to all of the time apart and the potential risks, I was happy for and proud of him. It was not meant to be, however. Due to unknown health complications, my husband was discharged from the Air Force and sent home. Once again we had no income. So, the search began for another job.
He finally found a stable job making $10/hr. that would give him the opportunity for advancement. He worked long, crazy hours and he worked hard to provide for our family and earn promotions. He supervised night shifts and eventually got promoted to days.
By this time we had 3 children and were renting a house in a nice neighborhood. In spite of his best efforts and several promotions he was still only making $12/hr. and now there were 5 of us to support. Rent was going up. We no longer qualified for food assistance. So we needed a miracle to keep things going.
God came through. Big time.
We looked into buying a home instead of renting because, at the time, much like now, it was cheaper to own than to rent. We couldn't believe it when we qualified to buy a house! We were so excited that we were going to be able to save money on rent! We found a home in a little town in the country that I have always loved and within two hours our offer was accepted. We were going to have our own home.
Over the years, we have faced many ups and downs financially. No matter how tight we kept our budget, we couldn't seem to build up savings. Even though my husband was excelling at work, his income was not going up enough to match the cost of living increases. The only option we could see for improving our position financially was to put my husband through college.
We didn't qualify for much in grants so we had to take out loans to cover books and part of tuition. We believed that in the end it would be worth the cost of repaying them so he could have the opportunity for greater income.
So, while he went to college full-time, he also worked full-time. I continued to stay home with our kids, home schooling all 3 of them, because I was still not in a position to offset the cost of childcare with my potential income and with my husband's hours, he could not watch them for me to work. We also still felt very strongly that we should honor our commitment with God to stay home and raise and educate our children, and, honestly, we felt that the sacrifices was worth the investment in our children.
During his last couple semesters, my husband got laid off again. We had been blessed through the loss of my grandfather, to have some inheritance in the bank. So while he finished up his Bachelor's degree and completed his unpaid internship, we were able to make ends meet.
It's funny, how life goes. Every time we were blessed to finally have some money in savings, something came along that took it. Each time that happened to us, we struggled to not feel like every time something good came our way, we were kicked back down by something new. It was all we could do to hold on to hope for a better future, that one day we would walk out of this long valley and be able to reach out and offer a hand to other people who were doing the best they could, but still struggling. We made the conscious decision to look at those experiences as provision for what we had not seen coming instead of being robbed of every opportunity to finally get a leg up.
So why am I taking the time to write all of this out?
Because here we are. Again.
Finally in the position to get ahead, but losing, or rather, "giving up" everything instead.
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